Day Trip

Last thursday has got to be one of the most happening days since I got to the states.

Made a trip downtown LA in Hollywood, then Santa Monica. The total travel time was

about nearly 6 hours with about one hour to Hollywood and about 2 hours to Santa
Monica from Hollywood. All of this include waiting for bus and train. Despite the tiring
travel involved, it was truly worth the trip as we really saw AMERICA. What I see here
in my area is a barren desert with nothing to offer.

For the day I only had one travel companion with me but I have no complaints. She was
punctual, considerate and good listener/talker. We headed out early in the morning to
catch the bus. After arriving at the central bus station we bumped into a colleague who
was nice enough to direct us to our destination. To be honest, we were both very lost at
first and was not sure of our heading. But all I had to do was ask around. From the bus
driver, the old man at the bus stop, the security guard at the train station to the punk
with a scateboard by the sidewalk. All were nice enough go give me correct directions.
Anyways, our first destination was Hollywood. The first thing me and Candy realized
was that the scene was totally different from our area. The buildings were taller, the
people were well dressed, there were more cars and even the sky was different. But
within 60 seconds my money was stolen. Dont worry, it was only a dollar. You see, there
are people in costumes hanging around Hollywood ready to take pictures. Some guy
dressed as zorro "seduced" Candy into taking a pic with here. He did it all with a
hispanic accent.

Madamme mossel eh, do you wanna takeh the pichah wither me ah?

After we took the pic. We were about to walk off when he suddenly told me in normal
American accent. "Dude, we take tips for pictures". I gave him a dollar and walked off.
Haha, serves him right. Even a dollar was too much. Being in Hollywood was nostalgic
as Ive been there once with my family. It was good to see the place again, nothing has
changed.

Candy looking into the horizon looking for HK

After spending about 2 hours in Hollywood, we headed off to Santa Monica Pier, as you
can see from the picture above. The place was somewhat not what I expected. It was
infact better. There was something about it that made it kinda special. The scenery
was very vibrant. From the sidewalk towards the pier, I can hear tribal drums being
played by street performers, loud techno music played from topless cars and the sound
of wind whispering through my ear. There was a mini themepark on the pier hence the
ferris wheel. Seagulls were flying about, and the sound of people muffling the sound of
the tide bringing in the waves. I guess it kinda reminded me abit of Penang :(

The trip ended well and there was hardly any difficulty in our trip. Going out again
next thursday. Will upload more photos. :)

Lonely Desert

It has been about a week since I got here and everything is fine. I guess. Things
could be better but whatever I have now will just have to do. This place is not as
great as I anticipated as we are so far away from everything. The only attraction
here is my workplace. But I wish to be elsewhere. Anyways the job is good but
the hours are just simply not enough to cover the cost for this trip. I had intended
to pay my parents back but now I can at most pay them back mostly 50% of
the cost unless I find a second job. Well, enough of the complaining, things are not
too bad here as well.

As you can see, the above is the picture of my ID taken while my friends in the
background were trying to make me laugh. The officer in charge somehow did not
have the need to retake the photo *damnit*. On the first day I was given normal
kitchen duties such as preparing churros and pretzels. I found the job extremely
easy and picked it up within minutes. They did not trust me with customers yet
and I was not allowed to speak to them. On the second day however it was a
completely different story. I was thrown into frontlines and put behind a cash register.
I had to go through it after 2 hours of pointless computer training using "simulations"
of the cash register. The training had not help a single bit and I basically relearnt
it through my supervisor.

After screw ups with about 5 customers I was finally getting the hang of it. I was
making fewer mistakes and doing stuff alot faster. This job was slightly more
difficult as I had to make the transaction and prepare the food which is funnel
cakes. Dont know what it is? Google it. Seems delicious at first but I got so used to
looking at it, it lost its appeal after preparing it the whole day. I have not tasted it
before but I dont intend to. I was kinda scared of being put into registry at first
because of the customers. But I found out that people here in general are mostly
patient and very understanding. At first I thought that I would be afraid of the
customer, I realized that the customer is as confused as me. They arent sure of
what is in the menu, and they are not sure what they want either lol. But when
I make mistakes they are mostly forgiving. Thats all for tonight. Goodnight :)

So It Begins..

Hey guys! Looked what I managed to cook up on my 2nd day in the states. Not bad eh?
Well one advice about cooking bacon, keep your SHIRT on. Having your nipples burnt by
splattering bacon oil is not a pleasant feeling. Regardless the reward at the end was worth
it. Scrambled eggs are easy job. I cooked this up at 5am due to the horrible jet lag Im
currently suffering from. I have been sleeping for about 10 hours lately. I sleep from
5pm to 12am. Its dinner then 2am to 5am. Really abnormal hours I know, but have been
progressively better at adjusting.

Currently nothing much has happened. Just had job orientation today, getting tremendous
amounts of paperwork done and got to see abit of the park grounds. I only saw a fraction of
it, but it looks awesome. The rides look scary but nonetheless Im tempted to try them all.
As for the place Im currently staying in, its not too bad. The room is quite small though
considering Im living with two bears hahaha. But standard of living is not too bad. There
are many department stalls such as Walmart nearby(srsly alot better than the one in
china =.=). Food here is not exactly very cheap, but its certainly affordable. Only junk
food here is put on discount, and might I say at very diabetically low prices lol.

Been doing nothing much for the past few days. Been walking around alot exploring our
surroundings, but there is nothing much to see. This place is almost like the Semenyih
equivalent of the states. Kind of empty with no big malls in sight, but definitely alot better
than Semenyih lol. There are facilities such as gym and cinemas which I have yet to find.
Glad to meet nice people at orientation today. Made quite a few friends. Hope to make
more tomorrow. Will update again soon. =)

Terminology

Throughout the journeys which I have partook in my life, I have come to
realize that my life changing journeys have always began, and in some cases
ended in airports. Whenever I walk into the Penang airport, certain familiar
feelings grip me as I go through usual airport procedures such as checks ins
and what not. Such as the feeling I first had when I was to study in my
secondary school in Seremban area. I didnt exactly flew there when I started,
but it was the time I had to fly alone there after a short holiday. I felt sad
that I had to leave home. I felt nervous as well as there were so many new
challenges and obstacles ahead of me. I had never been away from home
for so long. But it was a good experience for me as it had completely changed
my life for the better. I still remember the day I took a flight back to Penang
for good after finishing secondary school. I felt sad as I parted ways with a
good friend who dropped me off at the airport.

Not long after that, I was back in the airport flying off to enrole into Nottingham.
I didnt have the anxious feeling of being alone in the air as I did last time. But I did
however feel nervous of what lies ahead of me. Every semester is different with its
own ratio of sweetness and bitterness. Every time I took a flight at the beginning of
the semester, I felt excited and nervous at the same time of whats in store for me.
However, after the end of the semester I always fly away from this place with a heavy
heart. Despite the isolation of this place, I have made many good friends and have
lost some in the process as well.

Being in the airport also reminds me of times when I have to send friends off to pursue
their studies abroad. Friends leaving in a way is not a mark of a new journey in life, but a
continuity of the journey without them, which poses challenges as well. I dont have many
friends. Therefore which each one flying off is like a huge piece of me taken away. Times
can be so lonely and hard without them but feelings must be temporarily put aside for
adaptation and assimilation to take place. When friends fly off, I feel sad as well as it may
be the last time I see them as who they were. Overtime, friends usually change and it may
not always be for the good. Long absences make conversations awkward and short.

Tomorrow, I shall be heading to the airport once again. Another journey which may
potentially change who I am and hopefully shape me into a better person. The same nervous
feeling runs in my stomach as I type this post out. I cant help but be nervous and excited
at the same time of whats ahead of me. But as always, I leave with a heavy heart. It is hard
for me to leave my family and friends. But with my departure to another land will only
make me appreciate them more. Ill miss u guys. =(

oh btw, Ill diligently update the ongoings of my adventure here. yay :D

The Black Swan

Yesterday I had the strangest dream. I dreamt about my dream girl. I know, I know, how
cliche you say, but mind you she is a real breathing person with the ability to defecate just
like anyone else. LOL JK. Ironically, yesterday she was literally my dream girl. The strange
thing about this dream was that it felt real, it was so vivid and I could almost remember
every detail. Unlike most dreams which you view yourself in third person, mine was in
first person and it felt like I was just there.

It started out with us having lunch like we used to alot back then, we were smiling and
laughing as always. We started holding hands from across the table and Im not sure what
transpired, but within moments she was already in my arms. It felt so real, I have never
made much physical contact with her. I was thinking to myself within my dream, wow,
the girl that I have always longed for, the one, was finally in my arms. I felt that I was
never going to ever let go. It felt real, but deep down I know it was something that will
never happen, or atleast naively I wish it did. It was then I realised that I was dreaming.
I was lucid dreaming for awhile. Trying to savour the moment that never existed. I felt that
I didnt want to ever wake up. I just wanted to die in her arms...

When I woke, I was in a daze. It felt strange because most of my dreams are random, and
rarely ever made sense. This dream was so direct, so straight forward and so clear. For all
of you who would question my pervertism, I would like to say that in my dream we never
kissed nor did anything erotic. I was very close to this girl once, I guess I screwed things up.
She has someone of her own, but we are still friends :) Im not emo or anything, just wanna
share an interesting experience.

Darkness

During this exam period, I have come to realize alot of things I tend to take for
granted. It started with a chain of events, almost like a cycle. Well first off, I felt
that I did not fully utilize the time I had. The time table for this semester was
actually really great! I only had classes for 3 days a week and 4 days for assignments.
However, I felt that I did not spend them wisely. I spent most of those 4 days
fooling around and playing games. I didnt even take time to go out or socialize with
my friends much. When assignment period came, everything was in a snail's pace.
I barely even wrote a hundred words a day and I continued squandering my time.
I was very last minute and I did my assignments to the last hour; not something
I would do if it were last semester. I didnt even have time to proof read. I was
shocked with results I got, but of course Im appreciative.

When the exam period came(and still occuring currently), I wasted my time too.
Only two papers have passed and Im already filled with abit of regret. The thing
is that I waste my time during the day and study till late. However, lately there is
some electrical problem in my house. The electricity gets all fucked up at night and
the power trips frequently. This had been very counterproductive to my studies as
I had to walk in total darkness into the store room and turn the power back on only
to have it trip again in a few minutes. Because of this, I had to go to campus to study.
This led me to my second realization. I took my home for granted.

In campus, there is no proper place for me to study. What pisses me off is firstly the
temperature. The temperature is always at both extremes of the spectrum. Its either
to freaking cold or extremely warm. At home here, I just sit under the fan with a few
open windows letting the night air in and the temperature is perfect! Furthermore its
relatively quiet at home compared to campus. Ironically, the library is the WORSE
place to study. People can be so inconsiderate at times, they do not understand the concept
of a library. Library is suppose to be a place of silence, peace and productivity. But some
people just screw it up and talk as they please. Why dont they bring their discussions
elsewhere? Why cant they do it in their own homes? The only reason why people come
to the library is to get away from the hustle and bustle of their homes. Not bring it with
them. Imbecilic vegetables..

Which led me to the third variable which I have taken for granted of late, silence. Silence
for me has one of the utmost significance in my lifestyle. Infact, Im sure it applies to
most. Silence facilitates thinking, enables rest and clears the mind cluttured unwanted
thoughts accumulated during the day. Without some silence during each day, I wouldnt
even be able to reflect of the things I have done or achieved. Silence is like the pause
button in my game of life. It enables me to think of where I currently stand, updates me
with what has changed within and around me. In layman's terms it allows me to stop and
think for abit. The reason why I have taken this for granted of late is due to the speed
of this semester. I have wasted so much of time infront of the computer on games and
assignments that I totally lost sight of whats going on. I didnt take the time to reflect,
I didnt take time to stop myself. With all the noise from the computer and the
people and places I surrounded myself with I didnt have any room for silence. I look
at where I stand now and I see exams just merely hours away and I dont feel any
sense of acomplishment this semester. Furtheremore the reality of going for my US work n
travel which I have long applied for hits me. I feel anxious. The thought of working
so far away for 3 months scares me abit. From excitement to fear. Lol. But its okay,
I just need to set my mind straight. I need my silence, my peace. That pretty much
sums it up. TIME>HOME>SILENCE. 3 very important things! Goodnight :)

Desiderata

My dad called me this morning to tell me about this poem which inspired him
during his university days. He told me how he had printed it out and pasted it
on his bedroom wall. It is certainly a good read, truly meaningful and inspiring.
The poem was written by a German descent American raised poet by the name
of Max Ehrmann in 1927. Enjoy
______________________________________________________________


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth and quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid the loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be grater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

The appropriate use of the Hammer,Anvil and Stirrup

Earlier while going through my studies regarding counselling, a topic popped
out which focused on empathy. What exactly is empathy? Based on the book
it's:

When the counsellor is actively attending and receptive when the client is
expressing some aspect of his or her experiencing.
When the counsellor resonates to the directly or indirectly expresed aspects
of the client's experiencing.

It basically means that the counsellor must be able to take time and listen to
the client attentively. The counsellor must also try and intepret what the client
says and try to form an understanding and relate to their expressions mentally.
Regardless of how weird or maladaptive the statement or the behavior of the
client, the counsellor must have an unconditional understanding to why they behave
that way. For instance, a client states that she hates herself and feels the need
to engage in self injury. The counsellor is not to question the client regarding the
behavior nor is she allowed to judge the client. An understanding must be formed
for why the client behaves that way and the counsellor in turn will try and help the
client deal with the issue. Maybe the client was influenced by others, maybe the
client was depressed, maybe the client wanted attention or maybe the client was
suicidal. At this point, the counsellor must put herself in her client's shoes.

Upon reading that section, I began to question my own empathy. It is difficult in a
sense to be empathetic or understanding towards the behaviors of others, expecially
when they deviate severly from the norm. In a world filled with prejudice and
discrimination it is fairly simple to make judgements of people for what they do,
but it takes considerable time and effort to stop for a moment and put yourself
in the judged individual's shoes and form an understanding of their actions. When
our family and friends hurt us or make us sad, we immediately attribute their
behavior to bad intentions and their flawed predispositions (internal reasons).
But sometimes, the cause of people's behavior maybe due to external reasons.
For example:

Your father comes home late and scolds you for not apparent reason. You attribute
his behavior to internal reasons such as short temperedness. But it may infact be
caused by a bad day at work, stuck in a traffic jam or had to deal with difficult people
(external reasons).

You read in the newspaper that this woman was robbed. You attribute the robber's
behavior to aggression, greed and maybe even malice. But it may, maybe the fact is that
the robber had kids to feed? A sick and dying parent to treat? and needed a desperate
solution

One extreme example was cited in a book I once read. The US military managed to
capture some Alqueda suicide bombers and had a few psychologists to question them. To
make an understanding of their behavior. The psychologists had expected the bombers
to be psychotic and deranged individuals. But upon closer inspection, they were timid
and soft spoken people. Antisocial individuals who were outcasts of their society and
were falsely promised that they fought for a cause and were to receive a divine reward.

Truly, with situations like those, it proves to be difficult to be empathetic. But situations
need not always be so hard. Sometimes all our family and friends need is a listening ear,
or some form of understanding on your part. Sometimes the people who care for us most
may hurt us due to external reasons. If it were to be for something internal, it just simply
means that they are not worth our time to begin with. I must confess that sometimes I
may not be the most empathetic of people. I tend to be quick tempered and make quick
and harsh judgements before reasoning with others. For that I apologize my friends :)
Goodnight!

Andrea

On some nights, I dream of you..
But the dreams are never lucid..
These blurred visions of you, somehow always taken
away from me by morning amnesia..
I can never recall what transpired during my sleepy stupor..
The only thing I remember is the sound of your faded scream
calling my name before I awoke..
Due to the haziness of the dream,
I can only hear the last syllable of my name being called..
The voice so mellow and yet so strong, like the sound of muffled thunder on a cloudy day..

I can recall however, your silhouette..
The slenderness of a vixen, with long and wavy hair
that flowed in the gentle breeze like an oak tree in a hurricane..
Your long jet black locks, smell like dessert flowers..
If the scent of your hair was visible to the gullible eye, it would be the colour of violet..
Wafting as you walk, leaving a trail of brilliant violet nothern lightish waves as you pass..
What a magnificent creature you are,
but when I look into your visage,
I only see darkness...
But within that darkness emerge two vermillion red eyes looking back at me..
Eyes so intense like the infinite number of sunrises and sundowns I wish to gaze with you..

You extend your slender arms towards me,
so fair like the rarest of pearls..
I can barely breathe as your gentle delicate hands close in..
With a swift but gentle stroke..
You line the back of your smooth satin fingers from my cheekbone,
down to the side of my neck..
Then I felt it..
A pulse, almost like an exaggerated heartbeat..
An unimaginable force of euphoria, searing across every fibre of my mortal body..

I must have been touched by an Angel...
But what I felt was no Angel..
What I felt was strong..
So strong no one could compare to you, my love..
my Mona Lisa,
my Cleopetra,
my Anastasia,
my Juliet,
my Eve,
my Queen,
my Aphrodite,
my Goddess....

I have yet to meet you my dear..
I have yet to feel your velvety embrace..
Only fate will decide when we will cross paths..
For now, till then my dear..
I'll wait for you in the dark,
or in vain..

Glow with the Flow

I believe that humans are one of the most complex creatures that roam our earth.
The complexity lies not in the physical traits, but the psychological attributes of
humans. How is it that we are all complex? Well take it in for example that it is
natural that we enjoy being happy and we like it when things go well. We like it
when life is easy and we like it when things go our way. But Im sure you heard of
the statement "when things go too well". Strange isnt it that things can go "too well"?

Why is it that there can be an excess of something good? Shouldnt good things be
wanted in an infinite manner? It is so strange that we can have too much of a good
thing. Why is it that things can go "too well". First of all, when things go too well,
life would lack excitement. No? If things always went your way, you always got
what you want, people treat you the way you want and you do whatever you want.
Seems nice at first, but after awhile it doesnt seem tempting. Wrong? First of all,
there are no challenges, there are no obstacles and there is no meaning to your
existence because you dont do SHIT to get what you want.

Well, here comes the complex part. Most of us have food to eat, family, friends and
a place to sleep at night. But most of us complain, its not good enough. We complain
about all the trivial insignificant things in life. My phone is outdated, Im broke, my
significant other is an ass, my parents are naggy, my results is shit, my housemate is
smelly and bla bla bla. Think about it, there are more important life dependent things
that other less fortunate people out there have to think about and here we are stuffing
our faces with food and complain that it does not taste "nice". When things get better,
our expectations increase as well. Its just human nature to want more and to constantly
complain. We are all just so complex, I wonder if there is actually a limit to what we
demand. Even the riches people have shit to complain about, and they have everything!

Another complexity of humankind is our tendency to hold on to pain. Our life is revolved
around constantly seeking joy and gratification, but it is the painful and negative memories
that we remember. It is so easy for us to recall bad memories we had such as breakups,
family problems, deaths and failures, but so hard to recall happy memories. Im not saying
that we do not recall good things at all, Im just saying that bad things just pop into our
head and stay there. When we judge someone, it is so easy for his negative traits to
outweigh his positive traits. We remember more of what he/she did to hurt you than what
he/she did to make you smile.

It is just in our nature to want pain and sorrow. Why else do we bother watching sad
dramas or horror movies? How can our everyday friends enjoy watching SAW? Im not
saying that it is wrong, but Im just curious, why do we enjoy such things? Why do we
find sitting down for hours gossiping about people *hehe* so joyous? Do you spend
hours praising and talking good about somebody? If you had to sit through a conversation
which lasted for hours listening about how this fellow is so smart and so handsome, would
you? Or would you prefer to talk about this bitch with a scandal? To be honest, Ill take
the latter.

I believe that we humans have alot to learn and alot to pass down before its too late. Life
is whatever you make of it. If you want pain, you get pain. If you want love you get love.
It is as easy as that, no strings attached. When somebody makes you angry, and you hold
on to it, then you are letting him win. Because you acknowledge your anger and because
you think about that person, you are just letting him make you angry and angry again.
In a way, you lose out while he is out there glad that he made you feel this way. Let there
be no attachment to hate and pain. If someone pisses you off, just forgive him and move on.
If he does not learn his lesson he is not your friend. So the next time something negative
comes your way, give it your warmest and widest smile and tell it to get the f**k off.
No attachments =)