Envy is so green.

It is ok to feel jealous? Is it healthy to feel a slight pang of envy against the attention your loved one is getting from other people? It is weird. I feel pain. Sad. Anguish. Helplessness. It doesnt help if your loved one does not give a damn about how you feel. Direct flirtation right in your face. I would not mind it that much if you kept it behind closed doors. Shut, sealed behind locks and keys and bolts. Away from me. Just to respect our relationship, I let it go. I do not mind. I could not tell you. I might be the bad guy. The oversensitive one. You say you want to cook for others. Well go ahead. I do not mind. I do not care anymore. It is painful to feel. I could have ripped my heart out so you stab it a million times and I will never feel it. It is inhumane, ripping my heart with the blood gushing out so ferociously. :(

4 ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONG

1) I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin Degraw
2) What Makes You Different, Makes You Beautiful - Backstreet Boys
3) California King Bed - Rihanna
4) Monster - Paramore

These four songs have completely different meanings and genre but it's just so awesome. Although the first and second songs are not exactly the latest songs but even after listening to it for years, I still love them :P

What the future holds.

Hey Pangeelapongers. How's everyone doing? :)

I've been working in my mom's company for the summer and the programmes are all back to back. Pretty tiring but managing it well i guess :)It is a three days programme and i have to travel every week to different states; KL, PJ, Penang, Malacca, Genting, Seremban. I, together with two other colleagues and my mom have to go over to these places. And in these places, some days, some sessions, i have to emcee the programme, or lead the teambuilding. At first i was kinda scared and shy... But the participants were really nice and they were pretty encouraging when i was talking so after the first session, i was more comfortable talking for the rest of the programmes. Moreover, it's not like i am being rated. So okay la. :D

Time flies right? It seems like just yesterday I was wondering what to do for the summer and now It is already halfway through summer. There are certain things i wanted to do this summer but didnt manage to, such as going to Australia and Bandung cuz i didnt plan earlier and when the programme started, i barely have time for myself. And i've been missing my friends! 

Anyway, i'm now in Malacca, reached home from Penang yesterday evening and now im already in Malacca. Im here for some quality time with bro and dad. My sis and mom are in KL.

On the way here just now, my dad asked me when am i graduating and what's my plan after graduation. Honestly, i am not exactly sure of what i want to do after this. When i was a kid, choosing an ambition was really easy.

I remember my ideal dream job was to be a judge. I have a really stupid reason for wanting to be a judge. I grew up supporting my mom and going against my biological dad, so i told myself that when I'm a judge, im going to let all mothers win the custody of their children. And, apart from making stupid decisions, i wanted to be a judge to hit the gavel. :P

Of course as a kid, nothing stays forever including the things we like and what we wanna do. So, i changed my ambition from becoming a judge to becoming a firewoman. Why firewoman? Cuz firemen have this pole where they get to go down to the lower floor with the pole! U get what i mean?! If i could have one of those at home, it'll be sooo fun! :D 

Apart from that, i wanted to be a police cuz i think I'll make a good detective, finding out who's good or bad. Unfortunately, i had to let my dream of becoming a policewoman go cuz i am really bad at aiming. 

I also had some unrealistic dream jobs such as becoming a postwoman cuz i collected stamps as a hobby when i was younger. But no way ill ever be a postwoman. Doctor when i had a doctor toy set but im not smart enough to be a doctor :P and my family wouldnt agree anyway cuz of the long working hours. I think that's what children does.. Life is so easy and the world revolves around them and nothing else. Just like how i thought many years ago that if i'm not with that person, that person would just freeze and come back alive when i'm with them. I think that was the stupidest thing I can ever think of. Lol.

For now, i really dont know what i really wanna be. I wanna do something i like doing and earn money out of it. I really dont mind becoming a stewardess if my parents allow. But then again, i got my degree for something more than that :P So i guess i have to look for a job that really suits my characteristics and still able to earn? Hmm lol who wouldnt want a job like that right? One last year for me to think about this before graduation :)

The Devilish Note

When i was younger, i knew what gift/s got bestowed on me. I was thankful for one and was equally curious about the second one. You see, the second gift god gave me was the ability to talk. ..... alot. In fact, i hate report card day because i know at the bottom of the page, there is a small note which states

Kenneth seorang pelajar yang bijak. Dia juga seorang pelajar yang sentiasa ceria. Tetapi terlampau banyak cakap. Sila ambil perhatian.

Translated:

Kenneth is a bright student. He is also a fun and cheerful child. However, there seems to be a lack of oral plug which can stop him from talking too much. Kindly invest in one.

When i was younger, i dread for this day as my parents will continuously nag, scold, remind me that i talk alot. I usually wonder, do i really talk that much or it was just a figment of imagination of my teacher/ teachers. I only talk during recess. and moral studies, and during language classes, and sometimes during maths and sciences class. I know i never talk in history class. I was too busy falling asleep. Yet, this gift was meant for greater things. I hoped.

Now looking back, i see that most employers are looking for people who are able to communicate well, both written and verbal. Well, most people are trained to write since they were toddlers. However, the skill of communication needs to be well honed either by talking to friends or strangers. It is a mastery of both the brain and tongue. The sharper your tongue, the more efficient information gets through.

Advertisers are now looking for more effective methods to pass on a message besides written signage beside the road. Here is an example, do you pay more attention on the billboards or on your speedometer when you are speeding down the highway. Interestingly, most people look forward to know how much they have clocked in on their mileage rather than looking at the passing boards.

However, most companies are investing in information networkers to pass on the message. You see this alot in malls, gas stations and other heavily congested areas. Because it is easier to listen than to read and memorize in a short period of time.

Moral of the story, talk more, listen more. Earn more! XD

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Now playing: Stereo Love (Edward Maya ft Alicia)

Gherao (The Finality)

This post was postponed for a few months due to lack of inspiration and commitments. ;P

On the horizon, a group of native aborigines was circling what appears to be a thin man sprawled on the ground. The natives were masked but they circled the accused with authority. There were no sticks brandished but their eyes mark with such intensity that the grounded one was not able to prop even his arms up. Dust were kicked up, such that it gives the crowd a light layer of protection from the baking rays of Ra.

It would have been honor and glory if the plans were made right. Such burden as too great for a man but he was the One. He was presented the golden seal from the Oracle. The All-seeing. Definitely they had seen something in him to present him with such authority. A plan that would mark this town as the next Athens. The stakes were high but he he was game. What is life without stakes. It would be like playing poker with the blind.

Fate however hid the aces. The town people was not supportive of the idea. That would bring destruction, one elder shouted. That is against our believe, our culture, another yelled. Yet he would not listen. We have what they need, his hand waved towards the lush surrounding. They promised to take just a part for their needs. One year, one year and everything will be fine. If only he had knew that the Oracle wanted him to save the town. If only.

The barren land was now a habitat for scavengers. Lifeforms disappeared as water frizzled into nothingness. It was dusty and thirsty for the man. He was not the One anymore. His eyes were wild. Sanity was driven out of him by scorching rays. He needs space. He needs air. Beyond the circling crowd was freedom. So sweet the smell.

He lost his judgement. With one frantic look, he dashes out from the encircling. Without warning, a hail of stones and pebbles rained down on him without mercy. No, mercy was gone with the purity of the land. He was stoned alive. Blinded and broken, he tried to run. To move. The torrent of gravel seems like an eternity. Battered he lay there.

Vultures swarmed down, claiming their reward on a broken soul.

Summer Post-Mortem

Qhen we are a child, we use to wonder what is our priorities in life. Life back then used to be homework and games with the usual test or assessment. Nothing else matters back then. We have friends and company. Money was not an issue as parents are there to fund us. As we grow, our materialistic behavior grows as well. We are exposed to media advertising which subjugate us into thinking material that we want as needs.

Our perspective towards our surrounding and society changes. When we are child, we care more about the environment. This behavior mutates as we grow older. We no longer care about the precarious and fragility of the nature to sate our hunger for money. We see the consequences in plenty of uncontrolled forest burning in Indonesia. Forest burning reduces waste disposition cost as well as the cost of purchasing fertilizer.

Our perception on society changes. Everything is a crazy rat race to the top. Our vision on society status is based on the monetary part rather than their sincere personalities. You might be thinking oh no i am not as superficial as you think I am but i can tell you, there are inkling that this happens. Especially in urban areas where money is what makes the world spins.

Peace is no longer about equality but more on who has the bigger stick than the other person (quote Ironman). Help is given when a reward is expected. A person may have a thousand friends but he /she would not know whether there is a knife behind their back.

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Now playing: Thinking of Me (Olly Murs)

Don't hold back.

I figured out that i am old since i crossed the 21 threshold. Yea, that is the limit guys, not some fabled 25 or 30 as the cut off line. I learnt that my patience level grew lower when my age heightens.

I do get pissed off and get a little quirky at small things. Usually, these things don't go my way either. However what i would like to say is that we are right to feel angry and pissed. It is human nature and instinct. What I would suggest is not to hold back your feelings but do let others know what you are feeling so they can either 1) help you get back on your feet or 2) stay away from you to avoid further pissation. Just saying.

Uh my summer days are mundane as i filled my twilight nights with reruns of movies and chocolates. Yea i get what it means being a couch potato. Lethargy washes over you like a tide of procrastination. I just got a set of 6 books at a good price of 30 bucks. It is an array of books ranging from water technology to marketing strategies. It was a good buy considering one book costs around 5 bucks.

Now i spend my time browsing through some of the books. Hahahaha, kind of like a consolation that i am doing something productive :)

How is your summer going on?