Darkness

During this exam period, I have come to realize alot of things I tend to take for
granted. It started with a chain of events, almost like a cycle. Well first off, I felt
that I did not fully utilize the time I had. The time table for this semester was
actually really great! I only had classes for 3 days a week and 4 days for assignments.
However, I felt that I did not spend them wisely. I spent most of those 4 days
fooling around and playing games. I didnt even take time to go out or socialize with
my friends much. When assignment period came, everything was in a snail's pace.
I barely even wrote a hundred words a day and I continued squandering my time.
I was very last minute and I did my assignments to the last hour; not something
I would do if it were last semester. I didnt even have time to proof read. I was
shocked with results I got, but of course Im appreciative.

When the exam period came(and still occuring currently), I wasted my time too.
Only two papers have passed and Im already filled with abit of regret. The thing
is that I waste my time during the day and study till late. However, lately there is
some electrical problem in my house. The electricity gets all fucked up at night and
the power trips frequently. This had been very counterproductive to my studies as
I had to walk in total darkness into the store room and turn the power back on only
to have it trip again in a few minutes. Because of this, I had to go to campus to study.
This led me to my second realization. I took my home for granted.

In campus, there is no proper place for me to study. What pisses me off is firstly the
temperature. The temperature is always at both extremes of the spectrum. Its either
to freaking cold or extremely warm. At home here, I just sit under the fan with a few
open windows letting the night air in and the temperature is perfect! Furthermore its
relatively quiet at home compared to campus. Ironically, the library is the WORSE
place to study. People can be so inconsiderate at times, they do not understand the concept
of a library. Library is suppose to be a place of silence, peace and productivity. But some
people just screw it up and talk as they please. Why dont they bring their discussions
elsewhere? Why cant they do it in their own homes? The only reason why people come
to the library is to get away from the hustle and bustle of their homes. Not bring it with
them. Imbecilic vegetables..

Which led me to the third variable which I have taken for granted of late, silence. Silence
for me has one of the utmost significance in my lifestyle. Infact, Im sure it applies to
most. Silence facilitates thinking, enables rest and clears the mind cluttured unwanted
thoughts accumulated during the day. Without some silence during each day, I wouldnt
even be able to reflect of the things I have done or achieved. Silence is like the pause
button in my game of life. It enables me to think of where I currently stand, updates me
with what has changed within and around me. In layman's terms it allows me to stop and
think for abit. The reason why I have taken this for granted of late is due to the speed
of this semester. I have wasted so much of time infront of the computer on games and
assignments that I totally lost sight of whats going on. I didnt take the time to reflect,
I didnt take time to stop myself. With all the noise from the computer and the
people and places I surrounded myself with I didnt have any room for silence. I look
at where I stand now and I see exams just merely hours away and I dont feel any
sense of acomplishment this semester. Furtheremore the reality of going for my US work n
travel which I have long applied for hits me. I feel anxious. The thought of working
so far away for 3 months scares me abit. From excitement to fear. Lol. But its okay,
I just need to set my mind straight. I need my silence, my peace. That pretty much
sums it up. TIME>HOME>SILENCE. 3 very important things! Goodnight :)